Dear Upstairs Neighbors;
It is with the deepest regret that I inform you that you are not good at singing.
Despite the endless hours of practice time you put in with your Wii rock band, your vocals have not improved. I quite understand the need to open all doors and windows of your apartment while singing to avoid their untimely breakage, but perhaps a better option would be what I like to call ‘silent singing’. In this practice the vocalist improves their singing by thinking the song lyrics in their head in the voice they think sounds best.
There is another possibility for improving your singing skills. It is entirely possible that your vocal talent, and your neighbor’s appreciation of your skills, is directly affected by karma. I would recommend attempting to recycle, discontinuing the writing of hypocritical notes, removing trash that you have throw down from your deck to your neighbor’s patio, and walking your cat on a leash. By making these few small changes I think that you will find your vocal cords slowly loosening, and those deep melodic tones that you so ardently desire to make will begin to expel from your mouth. I think that you will find you have the most talent before 11pm on weekdays as well as the gravitational pull of the moon after 11pm may effect the vibrations of your voice.
My final tip for your success is simple. I would recommend labeling your doorbell so that when the talent agent does come a knocking, they know which bell to ring.
Thank you so much for taking the time to consider my suggestions. Please feel free to contact me if you find yourself in need of more tips or information on how to not suck so much.
Sincerely,
Slowly Filling Overalls
